I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
