Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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