I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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