on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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