I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
