If i come over, it means nothing
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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