Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is it because I queefed?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
