Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
