whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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