Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
