so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
