Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Less talking, more tequila
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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