I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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