It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
After tacos, we're chasing women.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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