Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
