I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
