The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
