Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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