How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize