I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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