We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
