I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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