I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is Oprah even human
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
