pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
