i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
