just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
