ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
