home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
