Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
