My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
