Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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