I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
