so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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