Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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