Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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