a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
