So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
