Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
