I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
