You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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