No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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