Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
