Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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