I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
