is your mom at the bar?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
