Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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