Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
