I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
