Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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