we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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