i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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