The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
