So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
