its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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