The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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