Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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