Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
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