I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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