I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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