just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
