I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
