4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
