your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
