dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
