If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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