it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Hippo gnu deer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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