why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
