It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
