I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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