a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
