I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
