If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
