he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
