make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize