2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
