I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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