Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
