So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
