he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
