Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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