He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
