so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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