she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
