his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
