I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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