this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
