I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
