Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
