You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she told me i tasted like america
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
