Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You left your phone here
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