Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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