You just made me feel so damn special
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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