The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
