I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
